Why do you only speak in song lyrics???

1. "I wish that i believed in fate//I wish I didn't sleep so late"

• On the news that the nice engerlish people had the audacity to give me a 55 (if Hannah Hazlett does NOT get hives, Jonathan Bradley does NOT get fifty fives) I've realised that my standards are slowly but ever so steadily slipping. Now, i could have done great things in an educational sense(i got mad smartz) but i don't apply myself and such. What if it was, dare i say it fate? You see if i continue to make no effort then I'm finished with education in twelve months, throwing me into a world of not really knowing what do to do with myself(dun-dun)...and what does every bearded adolescent who thinks he knows everything do when he doesn't know what to do? He runs off to find the meaning of life in a series of bizarre countries...and that is what i'll do i think because its the kind of thing that i really should try and probably wont if i end up perpetually studying for the rest of my life. So, my lack of motivation-fate?...That's the story and we're sticking to it
• Today was perhaps the shortest day of the year(either way we're in the ball park, its within three days of here) which means only one thing, having finally sorted out that whole nightmare problem, I'm plagued by another nuisance affecting my sleep. Not a big nuisance but one that's very definitely there(kinda like Payton's Texan accent in One Tree Hill). How is one supposed to sleep when the sun comes up at 3.30? And if one doesn't get to sleep how is one supposed to get up? Its a vicious cycle. Days are passing me by! OH THE HUGE MANATEE

2. "I really do, fear that I'm dying//I really do fear that I'm dead"

I was gonna go with "baby, don't fear the reaper" but i do...oh how i do...and blue oyster cult are shoite. Anyhoo ive had a pain in/on my chest for days now and on the off chance this takes me out(itl take very little to kill me, I'm one of those people who avoids doctors just in case they find something wrong) i need one of you to ensure the following happens

• My tombstone must read "If you'd read my blog you'd have seen this coming..."
• My funeral must feature the songs "Lay me low" by Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds, "There is a Light That Never Goes Out" by The Smiths and most importantly "Hello" by Lionel Ritchie
• Assuming the absence of a beautiful girl bawling in the front row about how i was 'the one' pay some attractive passer by so that the assembled masses think i was a playa yo'.
  

3. "All this talk of getting old//It's getting me down my love"

I spent quite some time adopting this position, that was until Friday. I, like any sensible person, was fearful of getting old and just generally becoming an embarrassment to society with my love of the nineties and socialisation of the noughties making it impossible for me to be cool in the twenties. But something has dawned on me...these middle-aged people...they simply don't give a fuck. Its not that they've become relics, they just don't care anymore. The guys running round playing air guitar on their leg(did anybody ever think "YEAH! I wanna party with THAT guy"), the woman that wave alternate arms above their head in an a-rhytmic fashion, the people who think they're displaying their wacky side by wearing a tee-shirt that says "FCUK On The Beach"these people were never cool, but now they have the freedom to do as they please cos people expect nothing more...imagine THAT freedom...glorious.

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4. "All dressed up with nowhere to go//Welcome to my one man show"

If One Tree Hill* taught us that the soundtrack to the television mid-twenties melt down is provided by The National the soundtrack to any televsion relationship breakdown should be provided by The Police. 'So Lonely' into 'Every Breath You Take' into 'I Can't Stand Losing You'...ok maybe not any relationship breakdown...but some...y'know like a really intense one? fine Celine Dion covering "All By Myself" and Gloria Gaynor for you then...jeez just trying to be a bit different s'all.

5."Now I got a job//But it don't pay//I need new clothes//I need somewhere to stay"

One of the great myths about having a job is that you will have money...yup despite all the explosive diarrhea in a urinal, the glass splinters, the bottle aimed at my head, the "why weren't you here on Saturday" "that's cos i was told not to" "well you should have been here anyway" i still am short of that pesky rent money and that excess money i need to adhere to the social convention of buying new fabric to cover myself in every so often...whaddaaaaajip. amiriiight? amiiriiight?

*Two One Tree Hill references in one blog? Yup, what of it punk?

jay,

Pinkyswearing that tomorrow will be a better day,

{o,o}

)__)

-"-"-