Doncha know that all my heroes diiiiiiiied

Ok it took me a week of thought, a number of drafts and alot of deep thinking to come up with five woman i find sexually attractive but here we are. Type it up, laminate it and stick it in the wallet.

1) Karen Lee Orzolek

2) Jenny Lewis

3) Zooey Deschannel

4) Jemina Pearl
5) Mary Kate Olsen

Why Mary Kate Olsen you ask?

well mainly cos she looks like this...I just wanna sleep next to her in shitty apartments to keep her warm while we shoot heroin into each others arms as she vociferously abuses me about my lack of ambition

we'd be the modern day Kurt and Courtney

There's a very real possibility that my belief in the benefits of abusive yet passionate relationships will eventually be my undoing. I mean, i have a smart mouth, i can see a temperamental lady just stabbing me one day...I'm lovely sometimes though...i swear...well my granny thinks so.

jay,

"I'm gonna get me a motor car//Maybe a Jaguar//Maybe a plane or a day of fame// I'm gonna be a millionaire//So can you take me there//Wanna be wild 'cos my life's so tame"

My name is Jonas

I think we're all looking at the Jonas Brothers in the wrong way here. Sure their smalzy pap-pop is pretty unbearable and that holier than Jesus at the Crucifixion act is wearing thin at this stage but just look at it this way, we're all going to get to watch their moral and spiritual demise unfold in front of our very eyes, and that will be gloriously entertaining.

Why do you think Russel Brand is so mortally offended by their existence? I'll tell you, my friends, i'll tell you with a visual aid

I mean if you squint through one eye and don't look through the other they're practically the same person. I imagine Russel was once like J.J; young, fresh and baby faced but then he got the roide and started doing heroin(these events may well be connected) and look at him now. We all know this promise ring lark cant last(i mean Jarvis was right, there really is nothing else to do) so once he breaks the inevitable slide into sordid drug addled rent boy can begin...and we can watch...and laugh...and perhaps point...unless pointing is too mean.





On the subject of glorious train wreck demises...




I'm as big a Britney apologist as there is out there and even i cant believe we're expected to believe that's her body...i mean look at the twig like ankles and wrists...that's before we even start on the bronzed goddess colouring. I, for one, like her better when she's short,plump and pasty...whose with me? Lets all go watch Ugly Betty and burn bras?

also this snake thing is becoming a fetish with the girl



Jay,
"when i was in bad shape i'll never forgive what you'd always say//'what are we gonna do with you//you don't make it easy on me, do you?'"

Happy Yankee Elimination Day Kids

Its alot like Christmas for Red Sox fans

sure its late at night and one should never worry too much before going to bed buuuut....


my head hurts

my throat hurts

perhaps most worryingly i cant feel one of the toes on my right foot...that is most definitely a concern...has been for a while

on the other hand i really do enjoy the dark...


i sincerely hope you enjoyed this, my 50th post.

jay,
"All of these people in my life, well they seem so in love//Well, I am not//Memorising my shoes in a cigarette shop"

Rear Windowing

So there is this crazy old lady whose been standing outside my window for a good twenty minutes now...maybe she just loves to sit underneath the Cliff Richard billboard, who am i to judge? But there is no getting away from the fact that she appears to be looking into my window and that is freaking me out.

Of course what im really curious over is whether she will go home, sit round the table with her friends in a Golden Girls-esque fashion and talk of how a creepy looking young fella sat and watched her from his bedroom window for twenty minutes...life is all about perception.


Im gonna go make some scrambled eggs...this could be epic


Jay,
I will suprise you sometime//i'll come around

Fall in love with the first girl you kiss, she is it, she is it, she is it, she is it.

1. I may never get a haircut again ever...the world is conspiring against me

2. I'm having a very slow day....i had to ask for my bus ticket three times before i got it right

3. I'm looking forward to November...November is gonna be epic

4. I have no idea whether i'm working tomorrow or not.

5. "I wish things were different"

6. I fear the expense of tomorrow. Tv On the Radio, Kings Of Leon, Jenny Lewis, belt, black jeans all to be puuuuuurchased.

7. I cant wait for 01.30

8. I need more people to be in the country

9. I <3>

11. Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii hate you

12. I forgot number 10

"And you're not ill//And I'm not dead//Doesn't that make us the perfect pair//Just you and me//We'll start again//And you can tell me all about what you did today//What you did today "

The great, cross land mass September the twentieth challenge

Challenge 1) oh it was an epic tale...sliding into currys just before they closed much in the same way Harrison Ford did in that temple in the first Indiana. Really though, why would a shop close at 5.45...5.30 i could accept...6.00 even better but between the two? 5.45 is the hermaphrodite of closing times

Challenge 2) I got me's an apple...it was good..i got me's some evian too...its great too. DYK- p diddy has all the taps in his house connected to giant evian tanks...true story!

Challenge 3) epic fail- i have still not registered for the coming academic year...oh well

Challenge 4) While i did say hello to a stranger the social study aspect of it was lost due to fact that he turned out to be crazy. Stopped right in front of me, shrugged and then carried on walking down the street talking to himself...he was one step short of a tinfoil hat.


We should do more challenges...


Jay,
"all i know is that im sick of all my money can buy//a fool who wastes his life, god rest his guts"

I miss marshmallows

Well, so starts the end of final year...this means im nearly ready for the real world. Frankly thats not good- that means career...i dont need a career but i guess these are options im considering...


1.Astronaut- Ever wonder why im such a fan of Tromphe Le Monde and Homer Goes to Space? Childhood dreams of being an astronaut my friends. Now while its clear to all that im in peak physical condition there may be one problem, i get travel sick...i imagine thats amplified in space...and nobody wants vom splashing round there space helmet...no one.

2. Shortstop for the Boston Red Sox- While many have pointed out the fact that ive never played an organised game in baseball despite being 20years old, the age i should be playing college ball, may be a problem. However, i pose this question to you...did Edgar Renteria orJulio Lugo ever look like they had played the game of baseball?...Exactly.

3. Rock Star- Im clearly hot enough to be a rockstar, ive clearly got the attitude to be a rockstar, im well versed in the history of music so would have great influences...the list of pros goes on and on. Sadly i have no musical talent to speak of...a shame really. Well it didnt stop The Automatic i hear you say...well dont say it again, you're not funny

4. Bus company owner- Ulsterbus fare increases are raping my wallet, i could be the guy that stands up to this social injustice. I'll stand in the europa bus centre and yell how i wont stand for it anymore...im gonna create my own bus company, one with fair prices, buses that dont smell like piss and a headphone rule for music...itl be glorious...GLORIOUS!!!ONE ONE ONE!!!

5.Be the new Betty Ford- I love the troubled lasses...i havent really worked out why yet...but one day i will. Until then, i could open a centre for people like lalohan and the britster to get away from all the paparazzo attention and to detox...and they'd love me for it natrually.

6. Journalist- The obvious pro here is that its actually something i want to do, the obvious con sadly is that no-one reads my articles bar my mother even when they're free let alone if you had to pay for them

7. Man whore- unemotional sex, lottsa money, the belief that a rich sugar momma would eventually save me from my life of squalor. Why it could be like pretty woman.

conclusion- im not ready for the world of work

jay,

i know that you know that you've become the target of these hands//i know that you know that you're the only thing that i can stand

A retraction...an almost quasi-apology

1. Not to all of you...but a heartfelt apology to those to whom my blog is their only contact with the outside world. While my last post coupled with the only week-long blog hiatus in my posting history may indicate that the end was indeed nigh, it wasnt the world is still going strong...well as strong as it was before anyway.

2. Shave, shave, shave, jolts...uh-oh...no beard...none at all

3. Somehow, some way, sometime i'm gonna have to look straighter...this cant go on...it just cant.

4. Sandy Cohen, a hero to the giant-eyebrowed everywhere

5. Everybody seems very excited about the new KoL album...which is fine...but it does come out on the same day as Tv on the Radio...who lets be honest...are infinetly better...not just than Tennesse's finest sons of preacher men... than everyone

6. Has Queens ever (like EVER) got anything right first time...who employs these computer people?

7. There are computer games to teach you how to cook...on the computer...you dont learn to ACTUALLY cook...you learn to computer cook...WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEARN TO REALLY COOK?!?!

8. I need one of those many law-students i seem to collect to tell me if its legal for me to marry the Green Bay Packers. That is of course assuming ladyhawke turns me down...which she would...cos if she ever asked me about her music id be forced to say well, y'know...its a'ight.

9. My throat feels funny...*thinks back to 4th year biology*...oh...oooooh....OOOOOOOHHHHHHH! shoite

10. Ah, i see, this how people who liked their fellow class-mates in highschool felt when we all went our different ways. If this month had a montage there would be a serious amount of Bon Jovi goin on the background. neeeeeeever say goooooodbye neeeeeeeever say gooooodbyiiiieeeeeeee

11. Like new itunes, dont like new facebook...not one bit


Jay,
"you coulda made a safer bet//but what you break is what you get//you wake up in the bed you make//I think you made a big mistake//you own me//lucky you"

its the end of the world as we know it...and i feel fine

somebody was gonna do it...it may as well be me

so scientists are gonna use that >>>

to blow up the world...sexy

smoke em if ya gotta em kids.

and just in case you cant go gentle into that good night without knowing my opinion on glasvegas...its great but its too gritty and real for me...my dad didnt abandon me as a kid ya see...but still its great.

"this is the happy ending where the bad guy goes down and dies//this is the end with me on my knees and wondering why?"

jay,

nobody loves me, Its true, Not like you do

Exile is a dreadful thing for one who knows his rightful place

I think i may have missed my chance with the britster...while i, like few others, stood by her through thick and thin(no waist jokes please) the times now appear to be thick

all i could have offered her was unwavering support which now she has no need for cause she's universally loved.

shucks, shoulda made my play this time last year

Jay,
i said they're all for you dear//I'll write the album of the year

Forget the names i called you on Christmas Eve, In fact forget the entire year

I used to like lavs...i did.

my v-key has fallen off...this has caused no problems so far...i wonder how long before it does.

im pshyched...even if nobody else in the world is.

"you could always date a girl without thinking she's marriage material"...you dont really know me at all do you?

gavin and I really need to improve at life by a considerable degree

jay,

cheese it

"The heart is decietful above all things"

My darling Clementine is one of those songs that everybody knows but nobody knows. Perhaps cause it has like eleven verses. To summarise, fella falls in love with his bosses daughter(the eponymous Clementine) who then falls into a river and croaks. He is naturally a bit miffed up until the songs conclusion

"How I missed her, how I missed her//How I missed my Clementine//Til I kissed her little sister//And forgot my Clementine"

yup, guy is heartbroken until he swiftly moves on...to his deceased beau's little sis'.

of course, maybe we should just applaud this man's resilience

whether or not human fickleness is a positive or negative attribute is one of the great mysteries in life.


Jay,
you don't need these now that you have another pair.

"If i had a girlfriend, id give her to Dustin Pedroia"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1050931/Whos-dog-Electric-Picnic-We-reveal-stars-rank-concert-cash-league.html


While no doubt most of you are choking on your cornflakes that the sex pistols, Franz Ferdinand and Christy Moore receive such a large chunk of cheddar i think you may be missing the point.

Sinead O'Connor can be had for a mere 30,000 yoyos.

Start passing the hat around...we can make this happen.


in other news, its real easy to forget just how good 'Is this it' is, gone give it a spin, its the best thing since sliced bread had tomato and cheese put on top.


Jay,
why don't you wear your new trench coat

i'll be the corpse in your bathtub

1. I cannot wait for my ipod...really though...super sexcited. I can finally go back to being unsocial when walking down the street, during car journeys, before lectures...in the living room. Seriously though, expect alot of conversations to be nipped in the bud with a swift point to the headphones, bliss. There is of course the obvious worry...where did my dad get all this money to throw around...well y'know money to throw around on me.



2. Now that i think of it dya know what would have made Saturday run a helluva lot smoother, an ipod...actually i would of settled for some headphones not attached to anything. AAAAAAAwkward



3. "I used to worry my wife was too good for me...then a part of her died...and look at us now"



4. Martha Wainwright playing a Queens organised event? Interview? Marriage proposals?



5.The lack of love for Entourage in the wider community baffles me.



6.I spent a considerable amount of time debating what my favourite e.p of all time was this week...then i thought i need more to do with my days...then i watched Dawson's Creek...oh Chad Michael Murry...you get eeeeeverywhere.



7.Everyone went away all of a sudden...eeep!



8. "dude, we're in castlewellan...actually in castlewellan...i cannot believe we are in castlewellan....actually castlewellan...WE'RE CITY BOYS IN CASTLEWELLAN!"



9. This picture actually makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit



also...did you really think Luka Modric's shirt would fit frank?


10. Im sure no-one else cares but the fact that the Jamaican sprint team were on performance enhancers really, really sickens me. The Olympics are a total sham at this point.


11. I love making mixtapes for people...i mean im not saying i want friends to run off to other countries regularly but i certainly appreciate this opportunity to make this therapeutic act more regular...this one is a doozy as well.



Dont say i dont give you people what you want, a whole post without mention of the greatest living Bulgarian tee em...well apart from just there...d'oh.




jay,
crack my skull, rearrange me