Dont dream, its over

Cue the sound of thousands of blogger hearts breaking. USmagazine.com
(viaRawkblog) reports that Death Cab for Cutie frontman Ben Gibbard
andactress/She& Him singer Zooey Deschanel are engaged. Isn't that justthe
mostindie-in-2008 thing ever? It almost seems a little too perfect, asif we made
itup in some kind of fantasy indie rock love connection.Emailsto Death
Cab'spublicist and She & Him's publicist haven't been answeredyet, but
variousother sources, including MTV.com and People.com, claim to have confirmed
the engagement. Sorry, lonely dudes.

Ben Gibbard isnt even as pretty as me...and he whines...and and and and and...bleugh...i would have went to see Yesman for you

"and you've got everything now//and what a terrible mess ive made of my life"

a year in review

lack of anything blogworthy of late is troubling

have you...
1. stayed single? gavin is my hero, im compelled to copy him in all he does

2. got kissed? that makes it sound like i was uninvolved...i feel violated

3. kissed someone new? too many...i hate awkwardness

4. made out in a car? ive never made out in a car...my life is not like an American teen dramady at all...this greatly saddens me

5. had a stalker? lavs guy actually freaked me the fook out

6. lost a friend? ive lost kyle...seriously...ive no idea where he is...ever

7. met someone that you'll never forget? thats a pretty big statement...i remember little apart from baseball statistics

8. did something that you regret? i immediately regret this decision

9. lost the person you like/liked? like like in a hey arnold sense?

10. lost faith? i stopped believing but only cos i really hate journey

11. got a job? i had one for about a month...i didnt care for it...then i got another one...im there too much

12. found a subject in school that you love? uni is slowly killing my love of the only subject i ever liked

13. discovered a new talent? ive got mad skillz at throwing blueroll into the bin

14. were you involved in something you'll never forget? if i didnt remember a single thing from 365 days it would be a pretty sad affair

15. proved yourself to be an idiot?neil innes had the right idea

16. missed somebody? yeah...but for a lovely three day period everyone will be in the same country

17. went to a wild party? im always disappointed by the lack of debauchery at parties these days

18. got arrested? no...however i have had get myself arrested on constant play for months...love a funky baseline

19. visited a foreign state/province? belgiummmmmmm

20. dyed your hair? no...im frequently tempted to dye it blue...just for the lawls...but then im also very vain

21.laughed so hard that you cried? im always teetering on the brink between the two anyway

22. saw a movie so scary that it made you cry? i cried at The Perfect Catch...that was scary...different reasons tho


23. saw a great movie? 12 angry men is pretty much the best thing ever

24. realized something new about yourself? im a terrible speller...i was in denial until recently

25. achieved a dream? i stole a toilet...i always wanted to steal a toilet

26. found out who your real friends were? baby's got the bends

27. fell out of love/lust? si

28. lied to your parents? all to often...im a terrible person...i try to cover this up with lies

29. snuck out? andrew does keep a watchful eye

30. kissed under the stars? like at night time?...in the dark? with the rapists?

31.Yelled at someone? im much more passive than im given credit for

32. drank alcohol? i work in a bar

33. had the time of your life? i need people to realise that that greenday song is bitter and angry

34. swam in the ocean? theres rats in the ocean...true story

35. laid out on a beach all day? we dont have a beach in belfast

36. slept in past 2pm? i get up before two on a maximum of two occasions a week

37. held someones hand that you care/cared about? hand holding is serious bidness...only graeme has ever agreed with me on this

38. got wasted in a public place? well to get wasted in a private place is slightly alcoholic

39. gone on vacation? nope...apparently my life is a holiday anyway

40. gone skinny-dipping? no... i like to remain clothed at all times

41. drove a car? yes...really badly

42. gotten in a car accident? my brother and cousin both crashed their cars on the same day...teenagers!

43. laughed until you couldn't breathe? i like breathing i do

44. got into a fist fight? no...apparently its cos im not a real man...but then again, check these guns

45. spent time in a hospital? i love metric

46. cooked a disastrous meal? im an awesome cook...just a very lazy one

47. embarrassed yourself in front of a class? oh my...that presentation...all kinds of fail

48. skipped class? i got an official warning last week...bad times

49. tried something new? yer auld doll

50. had an amazing year? terrible first half, awesome second half...a wash all in all


"and i cant compete with all your talk//you're so informed//but you talk just like a lout//say yo la tengo like you're selling perfume//a brand new scent for modern men invented by cartoons"

Since you actually did ask

Right well...first off i haven't listened to any Christmas music yet this year(i do love it when pop bands release Xmas songs so I'm normally all over it) due to my current requirement to listen to Perfect From Now On three times a day...its a long album


but anyway...


my favourite Christmas song of recent times is 'Its Christmas So We'll Stop' by the ever-amazing Frightened Rabbit...itunes that bad boy, its worth the 79p


my favourite song that references Christmas in the title is Did I Make You Cry On Christmas Day?(well you deserved it) by Sufjan Stevens but its less about Christmas than you might think

my favourite Christmas lyric is 'i don't love anything//no, not even Christmas//especially not that" from I Don't Love Anyone by Belle & Sebastian(which is one of my top 500 songs ever)

my favourite Christmas carol is o holy night...does anyone remember when it was in The West Wing, my my that was epic...must watch West Wing through again actually

so...yes...indeed...you may be wondering why I've given so many answers to a question that only requires one...well...you see...I'm talking round the subject...cos...well...deep down in places Jack Nicholson doesn't like to talk about at parties, my favourite Christmas song is this...

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=pA8UHeoYHQM

yup...yes indeedy


Jay,
"i wont even wish for snow"

This the best day ever in the history of good days

i woke up from my nap to this

went to class and then came back to this...oh em gee

which is a morrissey gig in the waterfront in case you cant see it...YEAH...I KNOW!




the Blur question remains though...what do we do? do we london? do we pray for an irish date? do we really think there'll be an Irish date that isnt oxegen?...WHAT DO WE DO?



also...anyone bar me actually want to see Morrissey?...thought not.




yeah...best day ever...bar the essay ive to write and my illnezz





"I know my legs are weak//but if I hear my baby speak//then I'll start running//She's got miraculous techniques//If I could be a song//I would be something that would snake into your room//and be with you the whole night long"

I have nothing to blog about...

Today my big original thought was how for masturbation being socially unacceptable to talk about there are alot of songs about it


heres my(quite obvious) top 5

1)Blister in The Sun - Violent Femmes

2)Touch Myself - The Divinyls

3)Thinking About You - Radiohead

4)Dancing With Myself - Billy Joel...tho i prefer the Nouvelle Vague version methinks

5) Turning Japanese - The Vapours...unless someone can categorically prove that Whip It by Devo is about doing the durty to yerself



"and im with another boy//he's asleep, im wide awake//and he tried to win my heart//but its taken . . . . . time//i know the shape of your hands because i watch em when you talk//and i know the shape of your body cause i watch it when you walk"

"i hate rant blogs"

i dont...i like to rant

but as apparently the peeps arent into this kinda thing il say only one thing...

jeez


just jeez

this is most upsetting

Jay
"crying in the cabride home//with frank sinatra on the radio//but it might as well have been lil kim//when every song you hear still reminds you of him"

im in a very yeatsian place these days

When I had laid it on the floor
I went to blow the fire a-flame,
But something rustled on the floor,
And some one called me by my name:
It had become a glimmering girl
With apple blossom in her hair
Who called me by my name and ran
And faded through the brightening air


which leads us nicely into yeats' link with Bell X1..they're awesome...you'd hate them...unless you're as uncool as me...which you're probably not iafl


"no your not maud gonne/but then agian neither was she//no you're not Maud Gonne//but then again neither was she"




jay,
"so how many did you take//beating yourself up for your mistakes//you know the punishment dont fit//when you weigh it up against the hit//guilty prayers pointless ends//pointless lessons, pointless friends//god knows ive wasted too much time, chasing bad dreams outta my mind"

I think our flat needs a name...

i suggest something cottage

ideas for the something to be sent to

Placeholder cottage*
8 lisburn Road
Belfast



public displays of affection sober...gawd i hate myself...actually i dont...i love me...seriously...im obsessed...if i wasnt so awesome it would be a problem...jeez...look at me...woah


anyshoo...im gone for a week...thats right, a whole week...whatever will you all do without me...miss me, thats what.


*Dear internet stalkers...im just making it all too easy


Jay,
nicotine stained on account of a crutch//and im aching from fucking too much.

everthing alrigh-oh

1. There's an anti-bullying poster on the bus stop outside. It says that to kick out(cos its a football themed poster y'see...oh ho ho...puns) that kids should enter a poetry and art competition.

ummmm

these are eight year old kids...eight year old bullies are gonna stop and think to themselves i should stop wailing on this kid cos he wrote a poem?...oh man...i mean really...i hope the kids dont listen...there'd be so many wedgies

As we all know the correct way to stop bullying is to beat up somebody in front of them...its what south park taught us

2.Took a gander at the NME cool list...i hadnt heard of some of the people in it...but then in a world where Alice "why has nobody noticed i look like a boy?" Glass* is the best we got i dont wanna be cool.

For the record:

1.Jason Pierce
2.Karen O
3.Ryan Jarman
4.Pete Doherty

5. Julian Casablancas

(look at her...donchee look like a boy?)

3.You know those guys that all girls complain about...the type that are actively sickened by the thought of a girlfriend...i became one...i didnt even realise...just sat back one day having a conversation and out it came...curious.

4.Everyone should see Neon Neon...of course, you cant...cos they're only doing one tour...well you really missed the boat on that one...so very, VERY, good.

5. I dont wish to pee on the parade(i like it when you are all happy...believe me i do) but in the last eight years the national debt of America has doubled since, you know, the beginning of time...that takes more than eight years to fix. All that guff in the Middle East...takes more than eight years to fix. All this "change" is gonna take longer than the fella has...but urm...yes...yay i guess?

*i actually think Crystal Castles are okay...she's just really not cool s'all

This blog was brought to you by Emmanuelle Vaugier...well it wasnt...but imagine how sexy it would have been if it was?

Jay,
"I need a car//You need a guide//Who needs a map//If I don't die or worse I'm gonna need a nap//At best I'll be asleep when you get back"

dude we broke the cake

Today was supposed to be so productive...i had twenty five and a half hours in a row in belfast with no work or class for the first time in two weeks



Im still in bed



im not dressed



i havent been to the bank



its four o'clock



im watching daria on youtube



Oh well









Jay,



"oh raquel you fill me with inertia//oh racquel im nervous when i touch you"

Wise men say...

only fools rush in, but i cant help falling in love with you.

it remains unlikely that i ever have or ever will feel stronger for anybody than i do for Harry Redknapp right now.

jay,

and its tottenham hotspur//tottenham hotspur f.c//we're by far the greatest team the world has ever seen

Isnt tagging when you try to pee on something from a distance?...anyway

five things i love:
1. my mum, my dad, laura, matthew, adam (is that one or five...lets say one?)
2. the national
3. books
4. sunday sport watching
5. listening to music all on my lonesome


five things in my purse:(well its a wallet...unless you talk to dave, then it is a purse)
1. 48p
2. cards of the student and debit variety
3. half a tenner...not a fiver...half of a tenner
4. a laverys flyer
5. a picture i keep forgetting to take out...but now i have...so its not there anymore...so technically thats four...but theres nowt else in there

five random items that make me happy:
1. my ipod (baby i love you so)
2. my shoes
3. my bed
4. bracelets
5. a cd...any cd really



five things i like about myself:
1. my epic fingers
2. i have get out of trouble eyes
3. that i can grow a beard(only of late when i realised how many people cant)
4. sooper smartz
5. that secretly deep down im actually nice...most of the time...to most people



five things absolutely i hate about myself:
1. my decreasing ability to spell
2. when in tailspin mode it takes me longer than most dash everyone to right myself
3. my general mumbling quietness...actually i quite like that...society deems it unacceptable, blame society

i dont have anymore...i quite like me



five songs right now:
1. baby im depraved- sargasso trio (i love pop music)
2. unless its kicks-okkervil river
3. my heart was made for bleeding all over you - martha wainwright
4. bruises- chairlift (no REALLY i LOVE pop music)
5. skinny love - bon iver



five memories:
1. wemberleeeeee with my dad
2. america
3. pukkelpop tent bustage
4. WHEN THE SOX WON IT ALL
5. picnics

five goals for the next year:
1. maintain my 2:1
2. start to travel
3. visit my sister cos i miss her so
4. sssshhhh its a secret
5. attend more class so that every girl i even vaguely know stops telling me off


Jay
my heart was made for bleeding all over you//and i know you're married but i have feelings too

Observations on the Gilmore Girls 27/10/08

1. Will Luke and Laureli get back together? I just dont know...its all very tense right now


2.Paris would not have survived twenty years without somebody stabbing her in real life("well you've made it that far" i hear you cry...news for you even your grandmother doesnt find you funny)


3. Luke : ok i brought my tools

Damon: my mothers a lesbian

Luke: oh...um...thats great

Damon: i like lesbians

Luke: uhhh me too

Damon: Do you know any lesbians?

Luke: like three or four...three for definite and one im just waiting on confirmation

Damon: Confirmation?

Luke: could you pass me a phillips head screwdriver?

Damon: yep, there ya go.

Luke: Damon, this is tape

Damon: My mothers a lesbian


you probably had to be there



4. I wish Belfast had a Kirk-like figure

5.Rory has turned into a bit of a ho. another guy who is all tall and blonde with buckets of smarmy charm makes it into her bed while the decent more likeable fellow is left outside thinking about 1950s sitcoms and Marx brothers movies. News for you Rory, that doesnt last...people who are nice are always nice...until people like you make them not nice cos nice gets them nowhere with girls like you who are only interested in rebel types who are all flash and pizzaz...you and you're kind are responsible for the downfall of humanity

oh rory...we could've been so special together

Jay,
so lets all make belive that we're still friends and we like eachother//lets all make believe that in the end we'll still need eachother

and always twirling...twiiiiirling

so onto the issue of karma i go (i woulda called it karma payment plan but some bitch did that last week)


on friday...i found five pounds i did not know i had in my jacket pocket...good thing - up five pounds

somewhere in the house i lost this five pounds...bad thing- up £zilch

when cleaning up after shine i found twelve pounds...good thing-up twelve pounds

i thought to myself "well that will cover the book i have to buy tomorrow"- adequate trade off down twelve pounds, up one book

toddled off to the bookshop only to find they dont have the book cos its gone out of print- up twelve pounds, down one book, unable to do tuesdays reading...good thing?...bad thing? whose to say?

in work on saturday, complaining about queens being shoite and their seemingly weekly attempts to make me buy books that are long since out of print and it transpires that Raymona lives with a girl who may or may not be able to lend me the book- potentially good thing

in short, i hadnt posted in a week and thought you may all like to know about me losing money, finding money, not being able to get a book, being able to get a book and my inabillity to decide whether god is supporting me or teasing me as i go through this upsetting trial...after writing it i understand that you probably wont


also tim sherwood can get stuffed...gone...go get stuffed tim sherwood


jay,
"i'll write songs and you will be the subject of each one//till you grow sick of hearing about yourself//oh baby im depraved//i cant control my appetites//i feel likes somethings missing when my teeth aint in your neck//i am obssesed"

Im never...ever...prepared for the end of the baseball season

It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins
in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer,
filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come,
it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone. You count on it, rely on it to
buffer the passage of time, to keep the memory of sunshine and high skies alive,
and then just when the days are all twilight, when you need it most, it stops.
Today ... a Sunday of rain and broken branches and leaf-clogged drains and slick
streets, it stopped, and summer was gone.

...

Of course, there are those who learn after the first few times. They grow
out of sports. And there are others who were born with the wisdom to know that
nothing lasts. These are the truly tough among us, the ones who can live without
illusion. I am not that grown up or up-to-date. I am a simpler creature, tied to
more primitive patterns and cycles. I need to think something lasts forever, and
it might as well be that state of being that is a game; it might as well be
that, in a green field, in the sun.

A.Bartlett Giamatti

"Watch this, Lis. You can actually pinpoint the exact moment when his heart rips in half. Aaaaaannnnndddd....there!"

Jay

"i dont have to love you now if i dont wish to//i wont see you anyhow if thats an issue//cause i am a gentleman//think of me as just a fan//who remembers every dress you ever wore//a bad comedian who your new boyfriends better than//but i dont really love you anymore//There'll be someday when your eyes do not enthrall me//I'll be numb but realize you'll never call me."

I grovel at your feet, bow down on your doorstep

Here's the thing, im a stubborn ess oh bee...i normally hate to be wrong...yesterday was not one of those days

Dear Mr Terry Francona,

I apologise...i said many a mean thing about your decision to start a very injured Josh Fucking Beckett ahead of a very good John Lester...you thought to yourself its Josh Fucking Beckett, im giving him the ball...i doubted you...there are two reasons i should never doubt you, namely the fact that the red sox were 0-86 in their last 86 attempts to win a world series before you and 2 out of 4 since...somewhere in that shiny vaguely vulcan-esque head of yours is the brain of a genius...i, on the other hand need to remember that there is a reason you are a professional baseball manager and i am not.

Dear Mr Jason Varitek,

I admit that when you came to the plate with the sox in desperate need of a run to quell the tampa bay momentum i groaned...audibly. Jokes were made, "he may be the first player ever to strike out on two pitches", "here comes the pitchers spot", "his wife clearly got his bat in the divorce" all flashed through my mind...but then...BAM...thats right BAM...i was so shocked diet coke may have went up my nose...i still wouldnt bring you back next year...but i enjoyed night of the living dead catcher very much.

Alive !!!11

With that in mind...go out and win a pennant tonight, would yas?

i promise il talk about something other than baseball...soon

Jay,

w.i.n

Today is a good day...for today there is baseball...

i would like tomorrow to be a good day too please





i believe it will be




there's nothing of note here...im just a superstitious sort so had to post something


Jay
w.i.n

third times a charm

Fuck it actually, forget games six and seven



win tonight



take care of today and tomorrow takes care of itself and all that

Fenway is too pretty for todays game to be its last till april

W.I.N

I peaked too early

yes...one day...one subject...two blogs


that last blog...well im not gonna lie...i was excited then...i was...but now...well i cant sit down...or stand still...or do much of anything...the last hour has gone excruiatingly slowly...the next hour no doubt will go even slower...




but then all will be well because a japanese(i always think that sounds weird...same with portugese...anyway) named Dice-k and a Dominican named Papi will ensure that it is so...


well that and we are the mother-fucking world champion boston red sox and we do not lose to the tampa bay devil rays...or when we need to win three in a row to advance to the world series



seriously we dont











win this game...then the next...and then the next




Jay

In the immortal words of the great Kevin Millar...

...

"Don't let us win tonight. This is a big game... Don't let the
Sox win this game."

win tonight, then Jon "im so great i can overcome cancer, win the clinching game in the world series and throw a no-hitter all in the same year" Lester and Josh "im josh fucking beckett" Beckett in games six and seven...easy

C'mon...please

and some of this from ^^^ please

Jay

"down by the river, down by the banks of the river charles"

The ship bees sinking

Im going to be needing my belief that god is a red sox fan re-affirmed in the next couple of days

Bender: "i cant see, are we boned?"

Leela: "Yeah, we're boned"


In other news, tv on the radio album is great after a few more listens, walkmen album didnt rip right but im assured its awesome, tried to give KoL another listen...concluded that its just muck...thats about it...oh and listen to The Presets more often.


Good boys and girls go to heaven...boys and girls who rip beer mats into tiny pieces do not


"no I've never ever felt so free//look here mama what you're doing to me//cause it ain't no difference which way I smile//I ain't good lookin' from a quarter mile"

"This is the first day of my life//swear i was born right in the doorway"

--books so old the pages have gone yellow

--the sound a diet coke can makes when you open it

--being in libraries when its raining outside

--when you hear one of your favourite bands in an unexpected place

--walking through Belfast in the dark with no particular place to go

--the crack of a bat on a baseball when its hit in just the right place

--literature quotes

--struggling to take the plastic of new Cd's

--movies that you think about for days/weeks/months after watching them

--making mix tapes for people

--hearing a really good song for the first time on the radio late in the dark late at night

--really, really hard hits in American Football

--twiddling a pen between my fingers

--listening to music through headphones

--impromptuness

--re-reading books

--the scratch on vinyl

--charity shops

--tee shirts

--album artwork

--anticipation

--the buzzing sound an amp makes when its a guitar is plugged into it

--when bands leave the "one, two, three" on the recording

--reviewing things

--autumn

--standing at the back of gigs

--coming home and going to bed without turning the lights on

--cds imported from Japan

--the very first sip of a pint

--beard stroking

--hearing a song you used to play all the time but havent heard in ages

--a night with nothing to do when you havent had one in a while

--putting on converse moulded to your feet

--teen dramadies

--tea(for two)

--having pride in local things whether you'd admit it or not

--when your eyes havent adjusted and its entirely dark

--seeing footage of sports from before i was born

--grandparents

--physical gig tickets

--the sound a typewriter makes

--long showers

--sunday sport viewing

--old school pubs

--alliteration

--posting things

--when you slip and think you're gonna fall but don't

--ninth inning rallies

--woolly hats

--when you catch something thrown in your direction

--tongueless kisses

--packages

--planning trips that you may well never make

--when you get your first glimpse of the pitch at a sports stadium

--bringing in chinese from the rain

--falling asleep on the sofa

--getting up with enough time for breakfast

--secret handshakes

--black and white pictures of musicians

--wearing a hood when its not raining

hmm, im sure there is more


jay
"you have a girlfriend//and i can only//talk about her for so very long"

I got nothing to say but say away anyway

1.You may recall about a year ago i lamented that it appeared the FTSE was always down..."why do you care?" you all inquired "its not like it affects us" you all said and yet here we are in the financial meltdown that i predicated and you all doubted. So with that in mind here are my predictions for the next twelve months


-- Fetch will happen


--Spurs will either get relegated, stage a ridiculous and miraculous comeback or do something in between


--Chinese Democracy wont be released


--The cubbies, the poor poor cubbies, still wont win


--Kyle will get married

--Andrew will be shipped to Iraq


--Gav will be a daddy


--I will be involved in a double homicide



2. So Jamie-Lynn is pregnant again, eh? Somebody get that lass a chastity belt for Christmas...failing that a condom...no wait, its Christmas...a ribbed condom



3. I love walking through Belfast at night with my ipod...walking...walking with nowhere to go...just walking...it does of course make it hard to explain where ive been when i return




4. Im considering getting a tombstone with Jonathan D. Bradley on it tattooed on my back...too creepy? just creepy enough?



5. There are some things that in life are just unacceptable. The Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays making the World Series would be one of those things. Jon Lester, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you. Lets repeat...for the craic like



6.People are strange creatures...AU is consistently bad and yet i buy it every month, sports continually breaks my heart but i watch every game, i hated the first LotR film more than anything ive ever witnessed that didnt involve Justin Lee Collins and still watched the sequels...whats with the intrinsic value to keep going back to things that are bad...no really im asking?


7.The peep show wedding episode is ridiculously funny...and yet it got me thinking. I would never have the cojones to call off a wedding or to go through with a wedding...therefore i can never propose...luckily i dont have the cojones to propose...but if i was in a relationship that lasted proposing style length would i have the cojones not to propose...the only way to knock this on the head is to never be in a relationship i guess...ah well, no great loss...im a lone wolf...like Luke in Gilmore Girls...*turns cap backwards*





8. Mail goggle is a brilliant idea...anyone ever tried to do math drunk...its harder than ignoring the urge to drunkenly contact people. If only i could set it up for my phone...



9.Terrible blog...my mistakes were made for you...always




Jay,
"and hang your holiday rainbow lights in the garden//hang your holiday rainbow lights in the garden and I’ll//I’ll bring a nice icy drink to you//Let me come over I can waste your time I’m bored//Invite me to the war every night of the summer"

"you get so alone sometimes it just makes sense"

I hope i turned the oven off

if i didnt turn the oven off we are royally boned

in the sense that we'll be dead

i dont have a will, fight to the death for anything of value

Jay,
to be lonely is a habit//like smoking or taking drugs//and i quit them both but man was it tough

Doncha know that all my heroes diiiiiiiied

Ok it took me a week of thought, a number of drafts and alot of deep thinking to come up with five woman i find sexually attractive but here we are. Type it up, laminate it and stick it in the wallet.

1) Karen Lee Orzolek

2) Jenny Lewis

3) Zooey Deschannel

4) Jemina Pearl
5) Mary Kate Olsen

Why Mary Kate Olsen you ask?

well mainly cos she looks like this...I just wanna sleep next to her in shitty apartments to keep her warm while we shoot heroin into each others arms as she vociferously abuses me about my lack of ambition

we'd be the modern day Kurt and Courtney

There's a very real possibility that my belief in the benefits of abusive yet passionate relationships will eventually be my undoing. I mean, i have a smart mouth, i can see a temperamental lady just stabbing me one day...I'm lovely sometimes though...i swear...well my granny thinks so.

jay,

"I'm gonna get me a motor car//Maybe a Jaguar//Maybe a plane or a day of fame// I'm gonna be a millionaire//So can you take me there//Wanna be wild 'cos my life's so tame"

My name is Jonas

I think we're all looking at the Jonas Brothers in the wrong way here. Sure their smalzy pap-pop is pretty unbearable and that holier than Jesus at the Crucifixion act is wearing thin at this stage but just look at it this way, we're all going to get to watch their moral and spiritual demise unfold in front of our very eyes, and that will be gloriously entertaining.

Why do you think Russel Brand is so mortally offended by their existence? I'll tell you, my friends, i'll tell you with a visual aid

I mean if you squint through one eye and don't look through the other they're practically the same person. I imagine Russel was once like J.J; young, fresh and baby faced but then he got the roide and started doing heroin(these events may well be connected) and look at him now. We all know this promise ring lark cant last(i mean Jarvis was right, there really is nothing else to do) so once he breaks the inevitable slide into sordid drug addled rent boy can begin...and we can watch...and laugh...and perhaps point...unless pointing is too mean.





On the subject of glorious train wreck demises...




I'm as big a Britney apologist as there is out there and even i cant believe we're expected to believe that's her body...i mean look at the twig like ankles and wrists...that's before we even start on the bronzed goddess colouring. I, for one, like her better when she's short,plump and pasty...whose with me? Lets all go watch Ugly Betty and burn bras?

also this snake thing is becoming a fetish with the girl



Jay,
"when i was in bad shape i'll never forgive what you'd always say//'what are we gonna do with you//you don't make it easy on me, do you?'"

Happy Yankee Elimination Day Kids

Its alot like Christmas for Red Sox fans

sure its late at night and one should never worry too much before going to bed buuuut....


my head hurts

my throat hurts

perhaps most worryingly i cant feel one of the toes on my right foot...that is most definitely a concern...has been for a while

on the other hand i really do enjoy the dark...


i sincerely hope you enjoyed this, my 50th post.

jay,
"All of these people in my life, well they seem so in love//Well, I am not//Memorising my shoes in a cigarette shop"

Rear Windowing

So there is this crazy old lady whose been standing outside my window for a good twenty minutes now...maybe she just loves to sit underneath the Cliff Richard billboard, who am i to judge? But there is no getting away from the fact that she appears to be looking into my window and that is freaking me out.

Of course what im really curious over is whether she will go home, sit round the table with her friends in a Golden Girls-esque fashion and talk of how a creepy looking young fella sat and watched her from his bedroom window for twenty minutes...life is all about perception.


Im gonna go make some scrambled eggs...this could be epic


Jay,
I will suprise you sometime//i'll come around

Fall in love with the first girl you kiss, she is it, she is it, she is it, she is it.

1. I may never get a haircut again ever...the world is conspiring against me

2. I'm having a very slow day....i had to ask for my bus ticket three times before i got it right

3. I'm looking forward to November...November is gonna be epic

4. I have no idea whether i'm working tomorrow or not.

5. "I wish things were different"

6. I fear the expense of tomorrow. Tv On the Radio, Kings Of Leon, Jenny Lewis, belt, black jeans all to be puuuuuurchased.

7. I cant wait for 01.30

8. I need more people to be in the country

9. I <3>

11. Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii hate you

12. I forgot number 10

"And you're not ill//And I'm not dead//Doesn't that make us the perfect pair//Just you and me//We'll start again//And you can tell me all about what you did today//What you did today "

The great, cross land mass September the twentieth challenge

Challenge 1) oh it was an epic tale...sliding into currys just before they closed much in the same way Harrison Ford did in that temple in the first Indiana. Really though, why would a shop close at 5.45...5.30 i could accept...6.00 even better but between the two? 5.45 is the hermaphrodite of closing times

Challenge 2) I got me's an apple...it was good..i got me's some evian too...its great too. DYK- p diddy has all the taps in his house connected to giant evian tanks...true story!

Challenge 3) epic fail- i have still not registered for the coming academic year...oh well

Challenge 4) While i did say hello to a stranger the social study aspect of it was lost due to fact that he turned out to be crazy. Stopped right in front of me, shrugged and then carried on walking down the street talking to himself...he was one step short of a tinfoil hat.


We should do more challenges...


Jay,
"all i know is that im sick of all my money can buy//a fool who wastes his life, god rest his guts"

I miss marshmallows

Well, so starts the end of final year...this means im nearly ready for the real world. Frankly thats not good- that means career...i dont need a career but i guess these are options im considering...


1.Astronaut- Ever wonder why im such a fan of Tromphe Le Monde and Homer Goes to Space? Childhood dreams of being an astronaut my friends. Now while its clear to all that im in peak physical condition there may be one problem, i get travel sick...i imagine thats amplified in space...and nobody wants vom splashing round there space helmet...no one.

2. Shortstop for the Boston Red Sox- While many have pointed out the fact that ive never played an organised game in baseball despite being 20years old, the age i should be playing college ball, may be a problem. However, i pose this question to you...did Edgar Renteria orJulio Lugo ever look like they had played the game of baseball?...Exactly.

3. Rock Star- Im clearly hot enough to be a rockstar, ive clearly got the attitude to be a rockstar, im well versed in the history of music so would have great influences...the list of pros goes on and on. Sadly i have no musical talent to speak of...a shame really. Well it didnt stop The Automatic i hear you say...well dont say it again, you're not funny

4. Bus company owner- Ulsterbus fare increases are raping my wallet, i could be the guy that stands up to this social injustice. I'll stand in the europa bus centre and yell how i wont stand for it anymore...im gonna create my own bus company, one with fair prices, buses that dont smell like piss and a headphone rule for music...itl be glorious...GLORIOUS!!!ONE ONE ONE!!!

5.Be the new Betty Ford- I love the troubled lasses...i havent really worked out why yet...but one day i will. Until then, i could open a centre for people like lalohan and the britster to get away from all the paparazzo attention and to detox...and they'd love me for it natrually.

6. Journalist- The obvious pro here is that its actually something i want to do, the obvious con sadly is that no-one reads my articles bar my mother even when they're free let alone if you had to pay for them

7. Man whore- unemotional sex, lottsa money, the belief that a rich sugar momma would eventually save me from my life of squalor. Why it could be like pretty woman.

conclusion- im not ready for the world of work

jay,

i know that you know that you've become the target of these hands//i know that you know that you're the only thing that i can stand

A retraction...an almost quasi-apology

1. Not to all of you...but a heartfelt apology to those to whom my blog is their only contact with the outside world. While my last post coupled with the only week-long blog hiatus in my posting history may indicate that the end was indeed nigh, it wasnt the world is still going strong...well as strong as it was before anyway.

2. Shave, shave, shave, jolts...uh-oh...no beard...none at all

3. Somehow, some way, sometime i'm gonna have to look straighter...this cant go on...it just cant.

4. Sandy Cohen, a hero to the giant-eyebrowed everywhere

5. Everybody seems very excited about the new KoL album...which is fine...but it does come out on the same day as Tv on the Radio...who lets be honest...are infinetly better...not just than Tennesse's finest sons of preacher men... than everyone

6. Has Queens ever (like EVER) got anything right first time...who employs these computer people?

7. There are computer games to teach you how to cook...on the computer...you dont learn to ACTUALLY cook...you learn to computer cook...WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEARN TO REALLY COOK?!?!

8. I need one of those many law-students i seem to collect to tell me if its legal for me to marry the Green Bay Packers. That is of course assuming ladyhawke turns me down...which she would...cos if she ever asked me about her music id be forced to say well, y'know...its a'ight.

9. My throat feels funny...*thinks back to 4th year biology*...oh...oooooh....OOOOOOOHHHHHHH! shoite

10. Ah, i see, this how people who liked their fellow class-mates in highschool felt when we all went our different ways. If this month had a montage there would be a serious amount of Bon Jovi goin on the background. neeeeeeever say goooooodbye neeeeeeeever say gooooodbyiiiieeeeeeee

11. Like new itunes, dont like new facebook...not one bit


Jay,
"you coulda made a safer bet//but what you break is what you get//you wake up in the bed you make//I think you made a big mistake//you own me//lucky you"

its the end of the world as we know it...and i feel fine

somebody was gonna do it...it may as well be me

so scientists are gonna use that >>>

to blow up the world...sexy

smoke em if ya gotta em kids.

and just in case you cant go gentle into that good night without knowing my opinion on glasvegas...its great but its too gritty and real for me...my dad didnt abandon me as a kid ya see...but still its great.

"this is the happy ending where the bad guy goes down and dies//this is the end with me on my knees and wondering why?"

jay,

nobody loves me, Its true, Not like you do

Exile is a dreadful thing for one who knows his rightful place

I think i may have missed my chance with the britster...while i, like few others, stood by her through thick and thin(no waist jokes please) the times now appear to be thick

all i could have offered her was unwavering support which now she has no need for cause she's universally loved.

shucks, shoulda made my play this time last year

Jay,
i said they're all for you dear//I'll write the album of the year

Forget the names i called you on Christmas Eve, In fact forget the entire year

I used to like lavs...i did.

my v-key has fallen off...this has caused no problems so far...i wonder how long before it does.

im pshyched...even if nobody else in the world is.

"you could always date a girl without thinking she's marriage material"...you dont really know me at all do you?

gavin and I really need to improve at life by a considerable degree

jay,

cheese it

"The heart is decietful above all things"

My darling Clementine is one of those songs that everybody knows but nobody knows. Perhaps cause it has like eleven verses. To summarise, fella falls in love with his bosses daughter(the eponymous Clementine) who then falls into a river and croaks. He is naturally a bit miffed up until the songs conclusion

"How I missed her, how I missed her//How I missed my Clementine//Til I kissed her little sister//And forgot my Clementine"

yup, guy is heartbroken until he swiftly moves on...to his deceased beau's little sis'.

of course, maybe we should just applaud this man's resilience

whether or not human fickleness is a positive or negative attribute is one of the great mysteries in life.


Jay,
you don't need these now that you have another pair.

"If i had a girlfriend, id give her to Dustin Pedroia"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1050931/Whos-dog-Electric-Picnic-We-reveal-stars-rank-concert-cash-league.html


While no doubt most of you are choking on your cornflakes that the sex pistols, Franz Ferdinand and Christy Moore receive such a large chunk of cheddar i think you may be missing the point.

Sinead O'Connor can be had for a mere 30,000 yoyos.

Start passing the hat around...we can make this happen.


in other news, its real easy to forget just how good 'Is this it' is, gone give it a spin, its the best thing since sliced bread had tomato and cheese put on top.


Jay,
why don't you wear your new trench coat

i'll be the corpse in your bathtub

1. I cannot wait for my ipod...really though...super sexcited. I can finally go back to being unsocial when walking down the street, during car journeys, before lectures...in the living room. Seriously though, expect alot of conversations to be nipped in the bud with a swift point to the headphones, bliss. There is of course the obvious worry...where did my dad get all this money to throw around...well y'know money to throw around on me.



2. Now that i think of it dya know what would have made Saturday run a helluva lot smoother, an ipod...actually i would of settled for some headphones not attached to anything. AAAAAAAwkward



3. "I used to worry my wife was too good for me...then a part of her died...and look at us now"



4. Martha Wainwright playing a Queens organised event? Interview? Marriage proposals?



5.The lack of love for Entourage in the wider community baffles me.



6.I spent a considerable amount of time debating what my favourite e.p of all time was this week...then i thought i need more to do with my days...then i watched Dawson's Creek...oh Chad Michael Murry...you get eeeeeverywhere.



7.Everyone went away all of a sudden...eeep!



8. "dude, we're in castlewellan...actually in castlewellan...i cannot believe we are in castlewellan....actually castlewellan...WE'RE CITY BOYS IN CASTLEWELLAN!"



9. This picture actually makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit



also...did you really think Luka Modric's shirt would fit frank?


10. Im sure no-one else cares but the fact that the Jamaican sprint team were on performance enhancers really, really sickens me. The Olympics are a total sham at this point.


11. I love making mixtapes for people...i mean im not saying i want friends to run off to other countries regularly but i certainly appreciate this opportunity to make this therapeutic act more regular...this one is a doozy as well.



Dont say i dont give you people what you want, a whole post without mention of the greatest living Bulgarian tee em...well apart from just there...d'oh.




jay,
crack my skull, rearrange me

Quae nocent, saepe docent

That's some Latin advice along the lines of "bad things happen so we can learn"...I'm not entirely convinced by it...what i find more interesting is the Chinese curse may you have all that you desire.

On the face of it, its a ridiculous curse, having what we desire is the primary goal in life. Only its not ridiculous at all, the only way to destroy your desires in life is to attain them and a life without desires is pointless, when one strives for nothing one ceases to be.

In that regard, anticipation is pure happiness and the only happiness of its kind. Anticipating something that you never inherit leaves it unspoiled, its still painful but less so, its almost painful in a nostalgic way, we can sit and curse how life conspired against us to keep us away from what we wanted without having to face up to the reality that what we wanted wasn't ever going to be enough or more likely we were never capable of maintaining what we wanted.

Its the reason why Christmas Eve is better than Christmas Day, why the split second before a first kiss is more pleasurable than the kiss itself, why Opening Day of the baseball season is the greatest day of the year. In these moments we have nothing but anticipation and they are beautiful, the moments that follow never recapture their beauty so the key to happiness in many ways is to have perpetual wants that are never fulfilled.

For those who are fortunate enough to live to an advanced age, they will sit and think about those desires that remained unfulfilled not those that they had and lost, whether spectacularly or gradually, they can forever revel in unspoiled anticipation.

To lose the will to anticipate therefore is a matter of life and death


blogging this...how very post-modern


jay,
tell my mother i tried, tell her i really, really tried.

sigh

one of those days

you are clearly the most misguided little girl i know

Jay,
people seem strange, when you're a stranger

Possibly my most favouritist lyrics ever ever ever...

"sometimes i dont thrill you//somtimes i think i'll kill you//just dont let me fuck up will you//cos when i need a friend its still you"

sadly it was not enough to clinch victory in my epic jukebox battle...that auld creepy fecker just had more money than i did...darn capitilism

sometimes you just need dinosaur jr...and buddist philosphy from gaby



i heart pretty things double exclaim




"you cant take me anywhere//i'll take you anywhere that you want to go"...i just listened to The Libertines...its not a good album...it has four good songs...five at a push...the latest babyshambles album is actually better...there i said it...still love Up the Bracket tho





these posts are getting more and more non-sensical...sorry laura







jay,



rarely have i missed anything the way i miss Dimitar Berbatov

Sitting in on a Friday night, watching Greys Anatomy...undoubtedly the coolest ive ever felt

"im not saying i dont think she'll EVER be happy without me, i just think she'll grow old and bitter, surround herself with cats and the high point of her day will be when she takes to the her porch and sings showtunes while doing the can can for the benefit of the passing school children to prove that she's still got it."


jay,
i'll believe in anything, you'll believe in anything

Dont draw the ace then fold it

1. I'm only just starting to recover and i had to sleep for a day then spend a day watching one tree hill(yeah thats right) and gilmore girls(again, yeah thats right) to get back to a state when i felt fit to move...never...ever...ever shall a weekend be so sloppy(especially sarah, the messy bastard =] ) again...well it will, but i need to let the battle wounds heal up for a bit first...good, good times though.

2. Laura is moving back to Oxford...carazy...in a rather small number of weeks...good for her though...keep the end of october free for my visit =] (edit: Stop freaking out Laura)

3. "She said we must leave, uproot, erase this//For this is the kind of love that maims us//And I won't be happy 'til somebody looses an eye". I actually LOVE bell X1...and as previously mentioned One Tree Hill and the Gilmore Girls...y'know just in case any of you still thought i was cool...im not...im really not.

4.New plan, we'll never get visas...we're not employable lets be honest(english degree loike) lets hit Stockholm...hit it hard.

5. The title of this blog is a National lyric.I love it.I think too much.I never reach conclusions.This might be one. You see if you're determined that this isnt the ace(i disagree but hey whadda i know?) but say a queen then i would have to fold the queen in order to get the ace cos to take another card while you have the queen in your hand its too big a risk, you'll go bust. So perhap it is time to fold the queen in order to draw the ace. Or the ace is drawn and we folded, which is a good bet ...either way time to step away from the table? ahh heck, my black jack analogy has confused me...who is what card again?


jay,
ive watched you climb, the wrong incline, but what do i know.

Pukkel-what?

a.k.a the horribly self-indulgent blog of "yeah well it was funny if you were there" type things

• "Ahh lisburn road...you sexy mother fucker"
• "save us jeebus"
• "nah we're irish but we love your country"
• "annie, is jay resting his head on your crotch?"//"well yeah he is but he has a nice comfortable head so its ok"//"are you sure, cos kyle's head is on my crotch and im not sure im comfortable with it"
• "william hach motherfucking jeebus...christ"
• "daterape is the action"
• "id give you one for a bottle a coke"
• "i may have scoffed at the time but jams is horribly underused"
• "lads this toothpaste is in capsule form...lads this toothpaste is denture cleaner...my bad"
• "Yo Hetfield...whats the fucking craic...not enough angry truckers for ya...dont think im gonna cheer now...tardy fucker" *angry looks* "well il be off then"
• "Ahh it was just a misunderstanding between me and the laws of physics"
• "and im left stroking myself as usual"
• "gotta remember to stop pulling when you stop sucking...i was talking about the wine"
• we shoulda saved this for yesterday...wait"
• "urm boys...anyone looked at the tent in a while...urm yeah...its fucked...proper fucked...lads"
• "my wine...my baby...MY WINE BABY" *wails*
• "you can take the country outta the boy but you cant take the boy outta the country...i messed that up didnt i?"
• "like shitting out a raccoon"
• "well thats rohypnol for you...gotta get it over with quick"
• "i need a wet wipe and a fresh carlsberg...STAT"
• "all the best songs are secretly about being a greasy paedophile"
• "yeah well we've had six beers and a power nap already"
• "Marvin you stupid fuckhead...im gonna punch you in the pancreas"
• "all you have to do is get her so drunk she falls asleep...that came out wrong"
• "I dreamt i was on top of you last night// oh no you didn't"
• "get er bucked"//"keep er lit"//....yeoooooooo!
• "you know the way theres that wet rain and then that dry rain...this is wet rain"
• "sitting at the back of a field with yer bag of wine...classy...classy as always bradley"
• "there should be some kind of Mr muscle for cock block...wait that came out wrong"

I heart festivals

jay,

i think i may be all grown up

going to belgium...

imma just gonna hide in the back of darkend tents staring intently at my shoes all week

"anything for you//anything i'd do//its shameless"

jAy

Simu-blogging #2- tell your friends

top 5 favourite videos anyone?

1.



because its impossible to watch and not fall in love...and that solitary tear...and the dancing with the mike stand during the outro...and its basically perfect in every way

2.



because it must be nice to say fuck you to everything you hate all at once...and i fancy kurt almost as much as Karen O

3.



because frankly the milk bottle is hi-larious...and its funny in an ironic sort of way when then band all shrug when graham leaves

4.



meh i dunno i just like it...thats some mighty fine analysis right there.

5.



cos when i was younger(urm yeah younger) all i really wanted was to run around in bars drinking bottles of heineken, smoking in a detached fashion, wearing skinny leather jackets with similarly ice-cool folks.

this was a terrible idea, embedding from youtube is a pain in the beeeehind and i dont really like music videos that much.

jay,
i hate it when you talk like that

my big brown eyes, my way of life and all the headache pills i took to try and get away from you

.


when i die tragically young this will be the picture they put "Jonathan Duane Bradley 1988-today" underneath


jay,

"hooks are for wimps and choruses are gay"

• I have been married to Maykay(in my head loike) for sixteen consecutive months...making this the longest relationship(both in my head and in reality) that i have ever been able to sustain...kudos for me.

• i like flight of the conchords so much more than you...not that i like the show more than you like the show(i dont know who you are, you might be a majassive fan), i mean i like the show more than i like you(i can say this without fear of contradiction).

• the red sox have twenty five players on their roster, there are 26 letters in the alphabet. On the red sox roster there are currently 10 players whose christian name begins with the letter J. Conclusions...i need more to with my time.

other pointless observations:

• when northern irish girls smoke it looks horrible...when foreign girls smoke it looks intriguing in a lets spend our lives together type way...why is that exactly?

• some people are really rather clueless

• my "cheh well i dont care...why would i care" face needs a little work...a lot of work

• i love wearing my imma "skip town outfit" on days when i seriously suspect im gonna give into the temptation to "skip town". i way just turn this into a fashion/psychology blog where i outline the relationship between my psyche and my clothes choices...that would be more interesting to read ayeaffle.

• the link to my flickr in the sidebar over there only seems to work half the time...strange

jay,

biased...everyone is biased...and the moon landing never happened...and its all the russkies fault

at the end of the day...and other cliches

i still love...

jurgen klinsmann

david ginola

nomar garciaparra

teddy sheringham

pedro martinez

johnny damon

brett favre(cos its been soon but some people have done too much to ever dislike)

but not sol campbell(cos he did too much)

and not Robbie keane(cos its too soon)

and i have no idea what any of that means

assistance?

jay,
they dont let you smoke and you cant get drunk//all there is to do is watch these soaps
i told you the owl was retired 'member?

...

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahhaahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhhahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah



no,



jay,
but just being around you offers me another form of relief
no more owls please